Free Text Messages for your Loved ones 30-10-2012 (3)

Handle every stressful situation like a DOG, if you can’t eat it, then play with it, if you can’t play with it, then pee on it, and move on.

Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder, but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night. ;-) Enjoy the extended weekend!

Priest: Next Sunday, I’ll preach about the sin of lying, & to understand it, I want u to read Mark 17. (d ff sunday) Priest: How many of you had read Mark 17? (almost all raised their hands except of a guy who looks like a gangster) Priest: why haven’t you read what I told u? Guy: I can’t find Mark 17. Priest: (smiled) Mark has 16 chapters. Let’s go to my homily on lying!

NEW DRESS CODE IN A COMPANY: You are advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If you wear Prada shoes and carry a Hermes bag, we assume you are doing well financially and don’t need a raise. If you dress poorly, learn to manage your money so that you can buy better clothes and thus, no pay upgrade needed. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and thus you don’t need a raise.

PNP & NBI are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. P-Noy gives them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest & each of them has to catch it. NBI goes in. After 2 weeks w/o leads, they burn the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit & make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. PNP goes in. After 2 hours, they came out with a badly beaten man. The man was crying, “tama na, tama na! ako yung rabbit! ako ang rabbit!”

Sabi ng isang segurista: “I try to make sure that I get caught on at leasd 15 surveillance cameras every day.. because you never know when you might need an ALIBI!”

Dear JOLLIBEE & McDO, Why are all the people in your commercials or advertisements thin? Sincerely, Highly Suspicious

Thought for the day: There are two basic groups of people: the wishful thinkers who throw coins in fountains & the realists who fish them out..

An angry wife speaks to her husband on the phone: “Where the Hell are you?” Husband replies: “Darling, do you remember that Jewelry Shop where you saw the Diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money that time and I said, Baby, one day It’ll be yours?” Wife (smiling and blushing) says: “Yeah, I remember, Darling. Why?” Husband: “Well, I’m in the Pub just next to that Shop!”

The beauty of the rain is that if it rains in the U. S., Europe, Africa, the water disappear in 5 minutes… In the Philippines, the streets and roads disappear in 5 minutes!

Paper say to Money, “Ur just a piece of paper.” Money smiled n said, “Of course, i’m just a piece of paper but i haven’t seen a dustbin in my life.” ~That’s Attitude~

A man is watching a video and yells, “Don’t walk into that church you stupid idiot!” His wife then asks, “What are you watching?” And he says, “Our wedding!”

New Company Rules for Toilet Use: “Too much time is being spent in the toilet. We are imposing a 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, the stall door open & your picture taken. Pictures of chronic offenders will be posted in the bulletin board. Anyone caught smiling in the pictures will be sanctioned under the company’s health policy.” :p

Someday, you’ll find someone special again. People who’ve been in love usually do. It’s in their nature. Everybody deserves someone who makes them look forward to tomorrow. Sometimes the right person for you was there all along. You just didn’t see it because the wrong person was blocking your sight. Don’t give up on love, because there is always someone who loves you. Even if it’s not the person you were hoping for. :]

Man dialled his own number from his girlfriend’s mobile phone to see what name she chose for him.. He was shocked to see “ATM NO. 5″

Free Text Messages for your loved ones (October 30, 2012)

A seed must crack its shell to grow… A tree changes leaves yearly… Seasons change… People change… But True RELATIONS last forever… The most important is – when slight misunderstanding arises we must cut the PRIDE, not the RELATIONS, just like our nails, when it is grown, we cut it & not our FINGERS. We heal our hearts when we forgive. No one is perfect… that’s why pencils have erasers… B-) God bless!

Math Teacher: If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 5 in the other what do I have? Student: A drinking problem, ma’am!

Want something Hot to start d day? Jz choose any f d ff hot & ar0matic TEAs: +creativi-TEA +tranquili-TEA +sinceri-TEA +sereni-TEA +prosperi-TEA +hones-TEA +digni-TEA +humili-TEA +capabili-TEA +generosi-TEA +safe-TEA +chari-TEA +real beau-TEA &above all, d most special tea> God the Father AlmighTEA! :-) Gandang araw!

An elderly couple was out on an ocean cruise when a storm came. The wife fell into the sea & couldn’t be found. After 5 weeks, the Captain of a search& rescue team wired the old man: “Sorry, sir, we found your wife’s dead body at the bottom of the sea. We hauled her up & attached to her butt was an oyster with a pearl worth $50,OOO. Any instructions, sir?” OLD MAN: “Send me the pearl & re-bait the trap.”:-D

Being nice to someone you don’t Like isn’t caLLed being PLASTIC .. It is caLLed RESPECT, and you have yourseLf EDUCATED. Gud day.

“LIFE is never easy. So whatever comes to destroy you, stay firm & be the bravest as you can be. You might cry, be upset, but never lose hope; and most especially, never give up because GOD is always there, here & forever.” #StrongerThan Yesterday good nun.

A priest was caught steeling from the church’s safe by the sacristan and he shouted, “Blessed are those who see and do not talk,” and the sacristan retorted, “For they shall receive their share.”

An angry lady stormed into an opthamologist’s clinic. She complained to the doc, “Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday.” The doc tries to soothe her, “I assure you, ma’am, that no one on my staff would do that. Why do you think it was taken here?” “After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.” “I think, ma’am, that means your cataract operation was a success.”

Every sacrifice has a fruitful reward. Every failure has a second chance. We only have to be strong by God’s grace to make it thru the test of life. Just believe and have faith… Life is not perfect but wherever life leads you, its because of a purpose…God bless you in many ways! Good m0rning!

A man who was behind in paying his bills received a note from one of his creditors: “Dear Sir: Your account has been on our books for over a year. We want to remind you that we have now carried you longer than your mother did.”

One night during dinner, the wife said, “When we were newly wed, you took the small piece of the chicken and gave me the larger one. Now you take the larger piece and leave me the smaller. You don’t love me anymore?” “Nonsense, dear,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.”

We are often let down by the most trusted person and loved by the most unexpected ones. Some makes us cry for things that we haven’t done, while others ignore all our faults just to see our smile. Some leaves us when we need them the most and some stick to us even when we ask them to leave. World is a mixture of such people. We just need to know which hand to shake and which hand to hold. Gud pm.

When God wants to send you a gift. He wraps it up in a problem. The bigger the problem He wraps it in, the bigger the gift it contains. HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE! Gandang araw!

Ways to know if you’re normal: 1. You have an email account. 2. You have a cellphone. 3. You watch tv often. 4. You know how to use a pc. 6. You register to unlimited plan. 7. You sleep late. 9. You were so busy you forgot to read #5. 10. You actually scrolled up to see if there is #5. Don’t worry, wala ring #8. 11.Then slowly you’re smiling, you realize you made yourself laugh. Hahaha…

A girl left a note on the fridge, “It’s not working anymore. I’m going to my mom’s place.” Her boyfried opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. He thought, “What the hell was she talking about?”

Love Text Messages for 25th May, 2012 for your love ones

 

Every tear is a sign of cutting onions. Every silence is a sign of zero balance. Every smile is a sign of daily brushing.. Life is so simple Don’t make it complex With difficult explanations…

True bravery is to arrive home fully drunk from late night out and mom waiting with a broom in hand, then you asked: “Hey mom, still cleaning?”

World’s Shortest Fairy Tale: Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?” The girl said “No.” And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motor bikes and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank. And left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. THE END!

NOON: Love comes to those who WAIT. Ngayon: Love comes to those who FLIRT:-*

Life is like brewing coffee. Boil your ego, Evaporate your worries, Dilute your sorrows, Filter your mistakes and Get a taste of happiness… Have a happy weekend!

A man tries to commit suicide.. He took poison but his father saved him.. He hang himself but his mother saved him.. He jumped into a twenty feet deep pool but the lifeguard saved him.. He placed himself before speeding cars but a doctor saved him.. He got married & no one was able to save him.

A GIRL dreams about a bad boy who is gentle only for her.. A BOY wants only a good girl who is naughty only for him.:-*

A lawyer was having some extra curricular fun with his secretary inside his car. When he got home, his wife noticed a pair of stockings in the back seat. She picked them up then in front of him, tore them apart while screaming, “So what the hell is this?” He calmly replied, “You just destroyed the evidence of a rape case I’m handling, which would probably be worth over a million… you can forget about the jewelry you wanted!” Moral of the story: No one wins over a lawyer… not even something called a WIFE

Mother: what do you want in the future? Daughter: I want to become a mother.. do graduate studies.. get married… Mother: (angrily) Do whatever you want… but FOLLOW PROPER sequence while doing it…

Husbands’ Creed – supposed to be When wife commands – Obey When wife travels – Accompany When wife is wrong – Disregard When wife spends – Accept When wife loses temper – Endure When wife wants intimacy -Provide When wife becomes unreasonable – Recall “supposed to be”

Lovely Sms Messages for your love ones

thanks for your time. thanks for your care. thanks for your smiles. and for being there in my life. you will always be one of my friends forever..

NOon mhrap lng kmi kontento na kmi sa tigiisang tuyo perO ngaun mayaman na kmi . . . tigddalawa na! May kmatis pa! Ramdam namin ang asenso,.:-) love

“It’s better to say hurtful words, than to say sweet lies that will make a person happy, but stupid in the end. you need to pretend that your happy, for the sake of others, but the truth is your suffering all the pains that were hidden on you.”

Two secrets to keep your marriage peaceful: 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it! 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up! Hahaha!

X and Y were in a public bath. X: what shaving cream do u use? Y: Mark’s X: what deodorant do u use? Y: Mark’s X: which toothpaste do u use? Y: Mark’s. X: what shirt do u use? Y: Mark’s. X: Tell, me, what is this Mark’s? Is it a boutique? Y: No, he’s my roomate! :-)

A guy came home to his wife and said to her: “Guess what? I found a great job. A 10am start, 2pm finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays 30,000 a week to boot.” “That’s great,” his wife said. “Yeah, sounds unreal,” he agreed. “You start Monday.” haha

Give me, 0 Lord, A steadfast heart, which no unworthy affecti0n may drag downwards, Give me an unconquered heart, which no tribulation can wear out; Give me an upright heart.. which no unworthy purpose may tempt aside. St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) Good day God bless and hv a blessed weekend:-)

GOD holds us tightly in His hands, despite the loose grip of our feeble faith. GOD passionately loves you that HE will never leave nor forsake you. Good morning!:-)

“you will get tired as everyone else does. You can have all d choices and stop. But remember, taking a good rest is different from giving up..

Our doubts are traitors, and make us loose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt. God bless!

… whatever we desire, the seeds have already been planted. The love, goodness and peace we want are already there! All we need to do is ensure they have the proper growing conditions. Wishing you a beautiful garden! Good Morning!

kLase ng mga nka-unli: QU0TE ADIK-minuminUt0ng ngf04wrd ng k0wts. C0RNY J0KER-pnh0n p ni rizAl an mga j0wks. SIMPLENG MANIAKIS-aatakhin l0la m0 s grEen msgs nia. TIME WATCHER-kumple2 bAti mula am to pm. DIARY FREAK-pti yta pghikab nia gnugr0up msg pa. EXCLUSIVE 0NLY-my spcial n ktx kya ndi ngrE2ply sau khit unli. IQ TESTER-kun mkpgtn0ng kla m0 alm un sg0t. CHAIN MSG FANATIC-dakilang utu ut0.

“Give ur enemy a thousand chance to becum your friend.. but d0nt give ur friend a single chance to becum your enemy.” g0od m0rning..

“When two people are really in love with each other. They won’t ever let go. even if, It hurts a thousand times or more.” good pm.

“The measure of a matured person is not how well dey prepare for everything to go right but on how they stand up and move on after everything goes wrong.” *gud pm*